What do you do when you want to be friends with someone but you don't?

I have a friend who I got in a huge fight with, and i have ignored for the past 2 months, and I told her I wouldnt forgive her and to stop messaging me (she was being a pain), and that I didn't like her. But, my guilt has caught up with me and now I kind of want to be friends with her again, but I'm too prideful ( I admit it) to apologize and be the one to take the first step. I don't really see her because we are both homeschooled, we don't live close to each other, and we don't really live where we would run into each other. I'm kinda experiencing split personality. Part of me despises her and does not want to talk to her at all, and part of me is kind of being soft and wants to be friends and such (jekyl and hyde much??) so...what do I do? I guess what I mean is I want her to try to talk to me one more time (though the hyde(?) part of me made it clear to her to never speak to me again....) can someone help me out, please? my pride is really overbearing so really my hyde part of me is liek 3/4 and my jekyll part is like 1/4. get it? so Help me please...