I am in dire need of help of knowing how to deal with losing my soulmate.?

This may be a long read........Ok, lets recap....I met this woman in Sept. 2008. It was a strange beginning and it was the day I came to life. I worked with her for one day and not much happened - we just worked but talked some too. Not much I thought was to happen, we just enjoyed talking and I left later that day and didn't think I would see her again. Oh, well God had other plans....I was working at a different branch at same same comany. I was working away and this woman came up to me and said, "Well hello" I didn't recognize her at first, she wasn't wearing a hat and had on some makeup and one of many pairs of gles she owns. She literally blew me away and I told her so. She was so breathtaking.....Well, we spent about 2 weeks working side by side and we grew to knew each other and later admitted that we didn't want this encounter to end, so after our time ended our job time at that branch, we decided to see more of each other. The first eight weeks went by so quickly, I drove to see her as much as she drove to see me. We refused to be apart. Yes, at first it was a ual attraction, but I went much deeper. We listened on each other for many hours. We connected on many levels, we grew together and drew off each others strengths and held each other during our weak moments. There are times I cried and she held me and times when I held her when she cried. During our short four months, we grew together as one and I asked her to be my bride and we agreed to have a long engagement so we could continue to build our relationship. All along the way, we had our ups and downs, some major and some not, but we fought each other to stick together and when we would come together again many times after our stupid bouts we were again as one. I knew early on that she was my life, my best friend, my partner, but as time went on during many great moments that was made for us to share, we did encounter a couple of hard blows...She left me....I tried to leave her.....but on New Years Eve....I knew I had to be with her and start a new year with her by my side.....Nothing could prepare me for what was about to happen...around Jan. 2nd., I was working and she had called me and just had a prank call that made her feel weird....well, what I did next will go down in history as my dumbest moment ever. I decided to prank her and mess with her. I called her and when the phone was ringing I didn't know what to say when she answered. she answered the phone and I just said whatever came out...I DIDN"T PLAN IT. It wasn't a death threat, but I asked for gallon bags to perserve a dead body....It freaked her out worse I immediately told her that it was me and she told me that I was mentally disturbed and that I was over and never wanted to see me again. Again...I DIDN"T PLAN IT! We were always cracking on each other. I just took it too far. I regret it immensely, but still to this day were not talking at all and I am not sure what I should do. I am afraid I have lost the most important person in my life. I can't hear many songs, I can't concentrate most of the day. I feel I have no reason to even get up the next day. My co-workers even think I am an idiot for what I did, but most of friends and family laugh their heads off. I guess I am asking how to go on....I just saw the movie..."The notebook" It is us to a tee, our loving, our fighting, our lovemaking was nowhere near normal, it was as if were were the only two people on earth, the pion in her kiss, our glances that made us crave each other even being across the room doing stuff seperately...I could easily go on, but I won't. I look for more moments that we have had and look towards for more to come, but that is not going to happen....I can only hope that we can come together again if God sees fit....One thing I know is that God made her for me and I still hear the music we have made together our little memories like our dancing under our park gazebo with no music except for what we heard in our hearts at that moment. There will never be no one like her again. I am really struggling with this every day, please tell me what I should do...Oh and also her birthday is in January and I have just seen that "notebook" movie and she likes to draw, not paint as in the movie, so I am writing her a long letter and I have bought her a sketch pad and colored pensils and she hasn't seen the movie, so I bought it and I am making her instructions to follow to receive those birthday presents and at the end of the instructions will say "after you reald the letter first, watch the movie second, and then you can open your present" I will then say...."I will be at our gazebo all day and if you want to see me, please meet me there." I don't know what else to do. SORRY about this long read, but I wanted you to understand my story. Thanks....